I woke up once

April  2010 / 29 7 Comments

What would we do with it?

I woke up once, toasted a toast as every morning, sat down at my computer and started googling (my dad once said they used to go fishing on Saturdays when he was young, well, I am young and I go googling!) I put in facebook, ‘your search did not find any documents’…I spell check and put it again, the same…hmmm….so I put it in capitals, maybe Google had a tough night, does not get it in small, FACEBOOK, ‘did you mean Face Book?’, No!, that’s not what I meant!, I rub a greasy hand across my eye, then across the screen, not sure which one is not working properly. I reset my computer, wonder around not knowing what to do in between, and try again, Google says ‘facebook not found’. Great. I pick up my camera and realize none of my pictures are there, they’ve been swallowed, my past is gone, what is the name of that guy again?, the founder, I need to call him, I need to call him now, I find his number, at least google gives me that!, dial it, it’s busy, that’s a relief! I guess the whole world is calling, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I’m sure they’ll fix it by the time I get another toast, so I go back to the kitchen, spread the butter on top of my light-brown bread (I did not burn it this time, I take it as a good sign!) , spread the jam on top of the butter, in slow motion, to give the facebook guy two more seconds to fix it, gosh, he should be a professional, I would not entrust my life, my pics!, my Wall, my dear darling wall!, to an ignoramus

Can't Find Google!

I go back in, move my mouse around, a white screen pops up, not google, that’s a surprise, some kind of a Miami commercial, I shut it down and put www.google.com. A white screen that I’ve never seen before says: ‘did you mean goggle’? No! I know what goggle is! How many times did I spell google as a goggle and had to go over three skiing commercials popping up one after another like soap bubbles, before I could get back to the right goggle, double o google, my google…so I reenter www.google.com, I reenter and wait: Not Found. White page and Not found in the middle, size 14 probably, Times New Roman, or something, never mind what the size is, who cares!, but it says not found. NOT FOUND! Well how am I to look for a search engine without a search engine?! Shall I get up from my chair and look behind the screen? Under my plate? This is some kind of a dream, a bad dream…

I bite into my toast, that’s gone cold in the meantime, what a disastrous meantime!, I stare blankly at the white screen. I go and fetch a glass of orange juice. Or water. Yes, definitely water. I think I’m dehydrated. Did not my mum tell me to drink a glass of water every morning, before I sit down to work? Did I not tell you that? I can hear her voice in my mind. Now this is the punishment! I’m ill! Seriously ill… I go and fetch the water…I come back, I decide to give it one more chance, I wont be demanding this time, I’ll ask nicely, for google, I do not need facebook any more, just google, and twitter of course, I will be happy with just that, and another toast to celebrate…

I move my mouse, nothing happens…the screen is black…now that’s a good sign, it means it’s the computer! Its’ just my computer! The world is in place! I’ll just need to go to an internet café… But then I look back down, at my desk, and the mouse is not a mouse any more, no!, it’s a mouse, I mean, I know I sound strange, I drink water, a sip every time I put down a comma, promise!, every time, well  I drink and as I drink the mouse becomes a mouse, or a mouse becomes the mouse, no idea how to put it in words, sip, sip, swallow, mouse, sip, mouse, it  slips away into a hole, yes A HOLE, sip, I’ve never seen in my wall, the whole I mean, yes in the middle of my wall, right next to my bed, I still haven’t made my bed, but this doesn’t  matter, the mouse slips under my sheets down the side of my bed, like an acrobat, to the hole… I follow her, I might just as well, I have nothing better to do, I will hide in the hole and howl at the moon, yes there is a moon at the end of the hole and it says, and it says, you know what is says?!, it says: google me again, and I’ll stop shining!


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